Bollywood has the problem of overkill. It will find one trope—remember the ‘queen of misery’ mother portrayal of the ‘90s or the ‘modern girl’ who only wore minis and spoke her mind as the anti-heroine of the 2000s?—and run with it endlessly. These days, we are on a franchise spree. Bollywood’s latest obsession is creating franchises or universes (as they call it) to bring audiences back to the theatres and in some (sometimes inexplicable) way intersperse the storylines of the many characters. There’s Rohit Shetty’s cop universe featuring Singham, Simmba, and Sooryavanshi, the Maddock Horror Comedy Universe comprising Stree, Bhediya and Munjya, and the most ambitious YRF Spy Universe which brings together the characters of Tiger, Pathaan, Kabir, via a cocktail of stories that are surprisingly similar. Cue Indian agents vs international baddies. Add a Pakistani character for effect. Sprinkle formulaic plot. Garnish with an action sequence.
The newest additions to this YRF Universe are the Alpha girls. The story revolves around two twin sisters – Sita (Alia Bhatt) and Durga (Sharvari Wagh)—separated at birth (of course). Born to R&AW chief, Colonel Vikrant Kaul, the sisters grow up on opposite sides of the battlefield (of course, of course), only to realise they need to be in this together. Durga is trained by Kaul himself, while Sita is shaped by Hamza (Bobby Deol). While Sita grows into a bitter operative, Durga is the textbook enthu cutlet. Together, they put their differences aside, take down the villain, and save the nation. Because for YRF, nothing says family reunion like a high-stakes spy mission.
1. A serum that helps gain superhuman strength, agility, and rapid healing. Is this Captain America or The Boys? It took 3573829 years for Bollywood to copy the simple premise.
2. Bobby Deol’s idea of a Haryanvi accent is just adding one word at the end of every sentence. Hove hain?
3. They think the Alpha serum finally kicked in for Sita because of puberty. Little do they know this is just how aggressive I get on my period.
4. Sita’s Lara Croft-ish braids look cute. Must try.
5. Non-sanskari Sita got a combat sequence but poor Durga had to sign up for an unnecessary dance sequence for her character introduction.
6. Petition to ban Bollywood from using mythological names for the protagonists. C’mon guys, it’s 2026.
7. Is Durga’s cottage in Kashmir listed on Airbnb? Need to check.
8. Sita and Durga are destroying a property they would inherit... Girls, this is not the economy for that kind of behaviour.
9. This Sita-Durga fight sequence, choregraphed by Craig Macrae, is the only scene worth my popcorn.
10. Maybe Uday Chopra should have let Macrae write the movie.
11. Wow. A Ching’s Schezwan Chutney plug-in after an intense fight sequence? Let the memes begin.
12. Durga’s ‘I am cute, bubbly, full of life’ energy and Sita’s ‘tough, cold bitch’ act is getting too damn annoying. Just be normal.
13. Oh good! They’re swimming in their underwear! How else would they squeeze in the mandatory pecs?
14. Durga finally gets rid of this ugly ring from their late mother by saddling Sita with it. That was good. Guilt tripping like only family can do.
15. Hrithik Roshan’s cameo as Kabir (for a few hot minutes) to ‘help’ the girls feels like a desperate attempt to make their universes collide. Hot, nonetheless.
16. Don’t worry Hrithik, the girls have Spidey Senses, you keep making your little rangoli, baby boy.
17. It’s genuinely cool and exciting to have two female leads for an action movie… that is if you let them be the leads.
18. Sita and Durga’s bond is now strong enough to justify zero exchange of dialogue between them for the last 30 minutes of the movie. Totally. Makes sense.
19. Durga, girl, you have just entered the battlefield and have already fled the scene to take care of dad.
20. In every Bollywood fight sequence, the protagonists must have time to exchange a nod.
21. Repeat after me: Every remotely patriotic movie must have a Pakistan angle.
