Everywhere you turn, the tired news cycle confirms that the dating world is in a shambles. To make sense of the why and how, we’ve been placing heavy blame on money-minded dating app companies and their biased algorithms. Think of that Instagram Reel you saved on how to trick Hinge into showing you better profiles, or the countless times a friend has moaned about getting incompatible matches. In fact, some people are now dropping the apps in favour of IRL community spaces—running clubs, pickleball courts, knitting circles—while the less optimistic among us are going boysober or entirely celibate.
But what if—and sit down before you read this—just what if…the issue is us as much as them? A new conspiracy theory suggests that Gen Z’s biggest dating hurdle is that we don’t know how to flirt. There’s also some data to back the claim: a 2024 survey by Bumble reveals that 81 per cent of Gen Z would happily use an AI bot to make flirting easier. Similarly, Reddit and TikTok, basically every young person’s bible, are full of jittery questions on how to shoot your shot without giving someone the ick.
With the rise of dating trends like ‘pebbling’—where you send someone memes to show interest—you can’t help but wonder, could this actually be true? Did the pandemic-induced social anxiety push Gen Z away from the art of flirting? “Having been raised on digital communication, young people usually slide into DMs to show their interest. For them, flirting isn’t witty, rehearsed pickup lines, but more spontaneous banter,” says dating coach Pratik Jain. “While banter is helpful in making people feel comfortable in the early stages, especially online, it can also be perceived as a grey area and cross a line.”
The fear of crossing a boundary and getting cancelled on the internet is another factor that makes newbie flirts wary. After all, we live in a time when ‘who tf did I marry?’-style exposés and screenshot-mongering is widespread. According to matchmaker and relationship coach Radhika Mohta, this encourages Gen Z to employ subtlety and use cultural signifiers as a form of expression. “They often use non-verbal communication to express themselves. Like their choice of clothing, the stickers on their laptop, a mobile case, a book they post about—all these become ways to start and engage in conversations over straightforward flirting.”
To demystify this new-age love language, we asked 12 young people to share their best and worst flirting experiences, as hot or ick-filled as they may be. The answers are in and all we can say is, grab some popcorn, you’re in for a ride.
Nikki Rao, she/her
20, data science student, Bengaluru
❤️ I actually love geeky cringe-flirting. This girl and I were eye fucking at a conference, then she started some banter with me about how she can code better, we had a little face off right then and er, I won. So she started calling me her pixel puff, how cute is that? The name still makes me fold inward into a puddle.
💔 I’m surprised by how many people fall back on TV shows to flirt. Anytime I see someone’s prompts that say they’re looking for “the Pam to my Jim” or “the Hot Priest to my Fleabag”, I get the millennial ick.
Saachi Gupta, she/they
23, writer, Mumbai
❤️ I was on a trip with this guy I used to hook up with, and we flirted a lot by making fun of each other. I was grumbling about having to walk so much and gave him my bag because it was so heavy. He turned to me and said, “I’ve just decided that I’ll only date someone who can carry their own bag and walk at the same pace as me.” And then I was like, "Oh I can’t take care of myself” and he said, “If you paid me, I’d take care of you 24/7.” It was just banter and a fun dynamic that I really enjoy.
💔 This guy on Bumble once really pissed me off. We were discussing our tattoos. I have this ‘melodrama’ tattoo right under my chest so I sent him a photo of it. And he was like, “Who are you trying to impress with this tattoo?” That was such a weird thing to say, it objectified me for absolutely no reason and made me feel uncomfortable. Like, I couldn’t have a tattoo just because, and all my tattoos were trying to “impress” some guy.
Ishaan Menon, he/him
22, ad strategist, Mumbai
❤️ After our first date my (now) boyfriend sent me a picture of a menu with ‘cutie fries’ circled and said, “Thinking of you”. I highest-key lost it, and my pickup response to that was, “So you’d still like me if I was a fry?” I really like the comfort of being cheeky right off the bat and inciting reactions as a way of flirting. It’s very second-grade schoolboy-core, but I really enjoy it, and it helped me feel closer to him in our early days.
💔 Honestly, I enjoy every cringe line my boyfriend ever says. We have a thing where, when we do something cute for each other or pull up with a shitty pickup line, we say, “Are you flirting with me?” or “Stop flirting with me.” I think it's cute and keeps the romance alive.
Ashoi Dantra, she/her
24, marine biologist, Townsville, Australia
❤️ Someone once told me, “My most irrational fear is strong women who will not refrain from teaching me a lesson or two, so here I am, facing my fears.” It blew me away.
💔 Someone told me, “I’d fall for you if you tripped me over” and “Can I explore the depths of your coral?
Utkarsh Tripathi, he/him
23, corporate lawyer, New Delhi
❤️ A good flirty situation was someone saying they noticed me a year earlier, in a class, and that they were blown away by something I said. That was sweet because we’d both taken the same class and enjoyed it, so there is some similarity of interest and it is not jarring entirely. I also liked that they were struck by something I said, which is more (sorry) meaningful than, say, comments about appearance.
💔 A woman once asked if I was in my redemption era because I jokingly said I want to stop bullying other people on my dating app profile. I find the x-era phrasing a little too clichéd, and a little too online for my taste. And then I’m left wondering...what internet term should I use to make them feel included? There is no nuance, it’s a very front-page level of pop culture.
Anusha Hissaria she/her
24, brand marketing manager, Bengaluru
❤️ My current partner and I were friends for a bit before dating and during a common friend’s wedding we spent a lot of time together. He has the cutest little beagle in the world and saw how much I liked her, so he kind of used his dog to flirt with me. When he came to pick me up for the Haldi function, he brought his dog along and dressed her in a little golden skirt with individual golden paw decorators. I mean, that’s the cutest thing ever!
💔 Any guy hitting on me at a bar is pretty much the worst flirting experience I have ever had. I would never respond to that. I don’t know who it works on.
Skye, they/them
20, artist, Mumbai
❤️ I remember telling my date that my skin felt dry and he replied that I was his khari biscuit. That’s definitely one of the good, special experiences.
💔 Someone once slid into my DMs saying, “🐕” and then, “Oh sorry, my dog ran into your DMs, what’s up?” That’s it, that was the whole pickup line.
Ahil K, they/them
21, game designer, Hyderabad
❤️ This is more a gesture than a pickup line, but I was chatting with someone on Grindr. It was probably the second or third day of us texting when I said I was going to get my nails done. They made the most adorable mood board of nail design references for me to pick from. Another time, I mentioned being into astronomy so there was a whole planetary/universe theme going on. I still think this person is my ‘one that got away’, only because they moved countries.
💔 My profile on the apps says that I’m bi, but this one dude thought it was a great idea to tell me, “Join me on a date and you’ll know you’re happier than ever...or gay”. I didn’t just block him, I reported him. Don’t tell me what my sexuality is, you entitled prick.
Manya Makhija, she/her
22, content creator, New Delhi
❤️ In a world of “Let’s just go to a bar”, this guy decided to plan a whole day together. He got me flowers, took me to an art gallery followed by a coffee tasting, and ended the day with a long drive and some George Michael. He never once said, “You decide what to do” and that was so refreshing.
💔 Someone once said, “Did you just fart, cause you blew me away.” All attraction immediately left the building.
Sahil Kedia, he/him
23, musician, Hyderabad
❤️ An artist I love announced her first book on Instagram so of course I left a string of comments. This random girl took a screenshot of them and DM-ed me to say, “I promise I’m not a creep but everything you said, the excitement you feel: same!! At the risk of sounding stupid, I think we would *really* vibe. If you agree, maybe send me your favourite illustration?” The guts, the aura, the mood was so slay.
💔 I hate men who try to shame you into liking them. This guy I was texting thought the best way to get in my pants was to disagree and diss on everything I said. That’s a red flag.
Devanshi Bhandari, (she/her)
22, fashion business student, London
❤️ My love language is using cheesy pickup lines. Recently, my partner bent down to tie my shoelace and said, “Lemme tie that for you, don’t want you falling for anyone else.” It was so silly but funny.
💔 Guys who are kind of drunk at a club and act all, “Yo I’m so cool, I’ll buy you a drink and you’ll come home with me” is such a huge ick. One of the most disgusting experiences I’ve had was when someone said, “My love for you is like diarrhoea, I just can’t hold it in.” Died, dead—never went back to that club again.
Shivani Dubey, she/her
24, journalist, London
❤️ On a first date, we were talking about birthdays and I asked him to guess mine. He said, “Is it August?” and I nodded. He continued, “This makes sense because I’ve noticed people who are born in August are very happy and full of life.”
💔 A guy I used to know from school messaged me while I was at uni and tried to ask me out. He said, “If your phone number was money, how much would you have in your bank account?” To this day, I cringe.
