All right boys, it’s time for a hair intervention

Once upon a time, every leading man—from Hugh Grant and Leo DiCaprio to Prince Charming and Mufasa—wore their hair thick, floppy and windswept in a frozen from too-much-mousse way. The old school hero didn't need entry music or main character pauses. The moment you saw the hair, you paid attention because it said: here’s a hot man who matters.

Present-day male celebrities (and their haircuts) aren’t as predictable anymore. It’s the age of rodent boyfriend—if the hair looks questionable and takes a while to warm up to the eye, that’s mission accomplished. Remember the shaggy mullet from the ’80s that hinted at weeks of hotboxed smoke in its knotted strands? Well, it’s back and it's banging on the door.

Paul Mescal, everyone’s favourite short shorts-wearing gladiator, became the brand ambassador of the cut-on-the-sides, twisty-at-the-back hairstyle, both on and off the red carpet. And if emo Irish men who abandon you at the park aren’t your vibe, the mini mullet also graced the blessed heads Harry Styles and Brad Pitt.

Sit tight though, the pack of sleazy haired celebs has just begun. Over the past year, internet boyfriend Manny Jacinto, monkey man Dev Patel and Bob Dylan-lookalike Timothée Chalamet (dream team for a polycule?) all perfected the art of the flick. A sexy nod to the ’90s curtains—better known as the Tere Naam haircut for those of us on this side of the Pacific—the hairdo romanticises stray locks that fall over the forehead, awaiting a gentle sweep.

Maybe it's a sign of the times. As the world around us drags out like an exhausting, overdrawn mercury retrograde, our celebrity boyfriends are dealing with it with bad hair decisions. In other cases, broken hearts pushed these heartthrobs to impulsive hairdos. First it was Dunkin dad Ben Affleck who sported a confused faux-hawk in the midst of his divorce from JLo. As if that didn't scream new bachelor embraces midlife crisis, the actor then dyed his infamous salt and pepper beard into a velvety black. Unlock that phone and I'm positive you'll find the Raya app in the recents.

Next up was Saltwater-slurping Barry Keoghan who invoked the wrath of the internet for allegedly cheating on Sabrina Carpenter. Soon after the news broke, the formerly brunette actor was spotted with a bleached blonde dye job. Now if you’re wondering why new hair colours are worthy of conversation, please pay attention to who the subject is.

For decades the mantle of the revenge makeover has been shouldered by women. So, to (finally!) see leading men succumb to impulsive hairdos to deal with life is wildly entertaining.

The male celebs who love their head of hair too much, experimented with their mousy staches. As Nikki Glasser pointed out at the Golden Globes, Chalamet is sporting “the cutest eyelashes” on top of his lips, while Jacob Elordi, the resident bad boy with good genes, recently trialled both a dirtbag stash and an overgrown swamp beard.

While back home, Aditya Roy Kapur made the big bushy beard his entire personality—note that this change also came in after an apparent breakup.

Perhaps the “couldn’t care” facial hair adds an aura of mystery for the actors. At a time when parasocial relationships and evasive pap snaps make it hard to keep anything a secret, the changing-by-the-minute hairdos come in handy. Or maybe the rugged whiskers are a call for more “serious” roles; maybe the ability to grow something this robust on your face could mean that your repertoire of skills must be just as lush.

Yes, I see how that could be a stretch but what is the purpose of celebrity makeovers if not to bewilder? Lucky for us, the new year will continue to bring strange haircuts aplenty, and hopefully 2025 is when the collective unravelling begins to make sense. Until then, this last line is for the famous hotties and famous hotties only: blink twice if you need help, a hair wizard awaits on speed dial.