Every night, like clockwork, the scrolling begins. Once I’ve gotten the kids to sleep, ditched my contact lens, serumed up my skin, and worn the comfiest pyjamas, I’m ready for bed with a cup of lavender tea and a few minutes of good television. But if you’re married or in a relationship, you’ll know that picking what to watch is the biggest 21st -century domestic quandary.
Men and women may agree on many things, but it seems like they just can’t agree on a show. My watchlist is fairly simple; there’s a sort of rhythm to the routine. One day, I alternate between catching an episode of Hacks or bingeing through the newest season of Love Is Blind or The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. On other days, I want to take a trip back in time with Sex and the City and Gilmore Girls or go deeper into period dramas (Downton Abbey, The Gilded Age). Sometimes, I may settle in after a long day with a comfortable watch that needs only one eye on the screen (Nobody Wants This, The Idea of You). It’s a simple ask: At the end of the day, I want content that is well-written, smart, romantic, witty, dramatic or, in the case of reality television, mindlessly voyeuristic.
But, as they say, the best-laid plans are always thwarted. And the thwartee in this case is my husband, whose proclivity for television encompasses one of the following: (a) a true-crime documentary about the most twisted family or (b) a dark psychological thriller where someone disappears or dies, often in a tiny frozen Nordic town. And that’s not all; he’s so picky that he insists the show pick up from the pilot episode itself, or he’ll sleep through it, like he did with The Day of the Jackal, Queen’s Gambit, and Daisy Jones and the Six. The only thing keeping him awake is anything categorised by Netflix as ‘Deep, Dark, and Dreary’.
So, every night, I ask with great resignation, ‘What do you want to watch?’ and we then proceed to make our way through all the streaming platforms, unable to pick a show that appeals to both of us. Of course, there are some that we’ve both loved—The White Lotus, Succession, The Bear, Paatal Lok, Line of Duty—but those seasons have been few and far between.
For years, television has served as the centre of family life, but now, with unlimited options on offer, are men and women facing a real war with their remote controls? Of course, the easiest solution would be to watch your thing in a different room. But in the age that we live in, Netflix-ing together is akin to sending memes to each other while sitting on the same couch. It’s intimate, a form of connection, a way of spending time together—and also an exercise in restraint. Actor-producer Shibani Akhtar summed it up best when she posted a poll on her IG: ‘Wait to Watch the Last Ep of Mob Land With My Husband?’ with the options ranging from ‘Yes, wait for him, because that's love’ to ‘Watch now and then pretend I haven’t seen it’. The former won.
That connection and conversation is an integral aspect of consuming content together. And Mamta Nihalani, 45, the Dubai-based founder of beauty brand Apothecary by Mamta, and her entrepreneur husband Sunny have devised a unique formula around it. “We liked the idea of watching Four Seasons together, but I’m a night owl and he’s a morning person who is fast asleep on most days by 9 pm. He tends to watch mostly on flights, and so we watched the show at different times, and then discussed,” she shares.
In Mumbai, Ekadish Bal, a 43-year-old Linguistics student who’s doing her PhD, says she spent a measurable portion of her dating life discussing ’80s films with her now husband. “That’s even before we had cable, when we would go out to rent video cassettes,” she recalls. “That ’80s America was a different America, and we watched all the genres from that time—horror, rom-com, movies like Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink, Say Anything, An American Werewolf in London.” Now, she says, their tastes differ greatly: hers leaning towards the more sociological aspect of reality television, and his more straight-cut comedy. “I’m curious about people outside my social circle and family: What are they like? How do they think? Most reality shows are social experiments, and I enjoy having a real person to root for rather than being invested in a character,” she says of her diverse and multilingual watchlist that includes Love Is Blind, Single’s Inferno, Terrace House and I Kissed a Boy. Varun, her husband, who runs a boutique studio for CGI and film animation, would rather have shows like Blackadder and Father Ted on his list.
Lucky are those who share a common watchlist and waste no time debating their options. For gallerist couple Arjun Bhutani and Arjun Sawhney, a common love for aesthetically strong content unites them. They both loved The White Lotus and films by Wong Kar-wai and Satyajit Ray, and are currently bingeing on Overcompensating. “Films and shows that really put emphasis on not just the story but also the visuals and the small details—that’s what gets our attention. We are also passionate about food, so we can always binge-watch Masterchef,” says Bhutani. “The show has to be engaging, have a strong storyline, and make a conscious effort to touch on new cultural elements. Having said that, Arjun loved Adolescence, whereas I, as a trained lawyer, wanted something a little lighter.”
It doesn't matter how long you’ve been together; TV-watching differences won’t make or break a relationship. For newlyweds Tavishi Vajpeyi and Vansh Adnani, both 28, a lack of patience and time to go through an entire show together, a difference in routine, and diametrically opposite tastes have led to each watching their own shows in the same room, one on the iPad with AirPods on. Vajpeyi, a Pilates instructor, veers towards mysteries, thrillers, anything trending, while Adnani prefers action and comedy. “Even if I find something thrilling or gripping, he says it’s too serious and needs too much concentration. His choices are way too gory for me.”
While writing this story, I decided to conduct a poll to see if I’m the only who senses a correlation between genders and genres. “Do you and your partner have completely opposite tastes in shows/movies?” I asked, only to get a resounding ‘yes!’ in my inbox. Most often, the women said they opted for light, easy fare with a big dose of reality television that allowed them to switch off at the end of stressful days, while the men preferred the extremes that exist between darker content and a plain ol’ classic comedy.
Education entrepreneur Kunal Dalal, 43, jokes, “Since Covid, my wife Hemali has had Friends, How I Met Your Mother, and Modern Family on repeat. It feels like we haven’t watched anything else,” Hemali, also 43, says of her choices, “At the end of the day, post-work and [taking care of the] children, I just need something comforting, familiar, and fun! And these shows immediately make me feel lighter and at ease.”
There does seem to be a stereotypical gender split at play. Psychotherapist Ashika Pohoomul Mehta takes it one level deeper. “Women are often socialised to prioritise connection and emotion and so are drawn to stories that offer empathy and healing. While men, conditioned to avoid vulnerability, may gravitate towards dark or intense draws as a safe outlet for repressed emotions. Our viewing habits aren’t random—they mirror the parts of us that are silences or seeking expression and validation.”
While there are always outliers, apparently these arguments are happening not only in your house but also in the White House.
In a recent podcast interview, Michelle Obama said she always likes to ‘turn off’ when she’s watching television, opting for The White Lotus and The Real Housewives franchise, while husband Barack only wants to watch shows where "everybody’s sad and then they die”.
Former presidents and first ladies...they’re just like us.
