Today, inflation is inflation-ing and having just one job ain’t cutting it anymore. Every second person is an influencer, side hustles have side hustles, and everyone you know is either launching a brand, freelancing on the side, or ‘consulting’ in some capacity. Welcome to the Age of the Poly-Professional, where Instagram bios and LinkedIn profiles read like master thesis bibliographies and a simple scroll through gig-economy apps like Fiverr is enough to make you question your entire skill set––because how does everyone suddenly know how to do everything?
So far, we’ve covered a gigmaxxer with eight side gigs in a day; an architect who is, naturally, a drag artist; and a video journalist who is also hosting a vinyl paired menu at her supper club. And honestly, that barely scratches the surface.
So if you’re a poly-professional (doubt it, since you have time to read this), you probably know there are certain things about this life that a mere corporate slave could never understand. Scroll to relate?
Having 17 tabs open at all times
Ah yes. Sixteen are just different Notion workspaces and one is a ‘12 Hours of Relaxing Music’ YouTube video to stop you from going completely insane.
Needing coffee on tap in order to function
Let’s be honest: it’s 10 am, and you’re already three cups down.
Unpaid invoices galore
At this point, you could literally eat unpaid invoices for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. What’s a gal got to do to get paid on time in this economy?
Having 5 email addresses (and always sharing the wrong one)
Are you even a poly-professional if you didn’t accidentally type your yogini email address (thatupsidedownworld@headstandnation.com) to the résumé you made for your art residency?
Taking on multiple projects, then realising they’re all due the same day
In the moment, saying yes to everything feels super sexy. And then it’s 11:47 pm, three clients need revisions, one brand wants to ‘hop on a quick call’, and your laptop has decided that now is a perfect time to crash.
Cancelling plans like it’s a full-time job
You fully meant to go. You even picked an outfit. But after spending the whole day toggling between meetings, invoices, and existential dread that comes free with creative thinking, bedrotting is all you have the bandwidth for.
Setting a 5-minute timer for mental breakdowns
Yep, five minutes to scream, cry, call your mom and cry (she still has no idea what you do), and then it’s back to replying “sounds good!” on Slack.
Having an identity crisis when you have to introduce yourself
Do you give the corporate designation? The cool answer? The answer that makes money? The artsy answer? Or just pretend you don’t speak English?
Never quite knowing what day it is
Tuesday night could easily be Sunday morning and, honestly, your Google Calendar is the only thing tethering you to reality.
Having the under-eyes of a Victorian poet
At this point the dark circles are less “tired” and more part of your personal brand.
